Love our Child, Love the Ego?

It was in my 13th birthday when I hit by car near my house. It was mostly my fault. I was running, crossing the street when the car hit me. I was okay, though. The driver was a gentleman. He took me to my home and met my father, my mother, explained the situation. He was a public transport driver. I was hit by an "angkot" ( :jeepney in Philippines, tuk-tuk in Laos? You name it)

My father was angry, and so was my mother. They were very angry and they didn't (want to) hear ,completely I think, the driver explanation. I knew my parent did that, because they were very worried. They Love me.

Strangely, I didn't feel loved. I turned out that I felt sooooo awkward. First, I knew I too have fault in the accident. And second, I felt I didn't deserve such love. I was not that worth. I was not that worth to make my parent, angry to a poor driver, that possibly didn't do anything, except that he was in the wrong time and place. However, he was brave enough to meet My parent in face. It was a rare quality driver, right? (I realize that now witness crazy Jakartan driver everyday)

But, I didn't say anything, I kept silent. I didn't want to interrupt; I troubled my parent, enough. I remember, I felt uneasy. I still feel that when I wrote this.

There is something in the love of parent to their child that disturbs me. In front of their child, a parent can loose themselves. There is something --blindly-- in the way they look their blood heir. In the way they love them.

Why? What is the different between our own kid and hundreds kid in the street?

They all need love aren't they?
Blood? Is it loving our child is more to love ourselves?
To what, our love exactly?
To our blood?
Our ego?

I shouldn't write this, because I haven't got any children. And perhaps, this is one part, the Almighty don't bear me with such amusement and holly, huge responsibility. Im not very sure in this subject. I don't want to loose myself. I don't want to blind myself with love, that I, well ..feel awkward to. I feel disturbed.

I joined an organization for kids and alternative education, when I was student. I happened to have and teach a play group, for children near my house. I enjoy playing with children. I love them as God purest creature. One of Real Guru. Mirror. But, its rare for me to feel that I want the kid of my own. I feel none. Almost Neutral.

Oh, how "motherly" I am.. ha ha..

Season greetings, everyone.. happy holiday.. dan Selamat Idul Adha..


I am The Creator's "Ba"

The Grail,

So Be,
. . . .




If life only to wake up early,
Works hard,
Please the bosses,
Getting Salary hike
Return home
Back to sleep for the same thing in the next day,
not so much in meaning of life

but, what is the meaning of living?

If life only to find someone to live with
Choosing woman
Choosing man
getting married,
takes the role of human reproduction,
Have kids,
Craving dreams
for bigger house,
Bigger yards
More houses, More cars, more maids,
More jewelries,
More woman,
More man,
Ah, what is the meaning of living?

If life only to bragging yourself to your friends,
Or people around you
Hope your name eternal in the world
Proud of what you do, what you did, what you think, what you have done,
Should the world has crowned you as Messiah,
Your name linger in the people memory like Newton or Einstein
Still, what is the meaning of living?

Since you will leave everything in second,
Since your house will become dust,
Since your body will go astray,
Since the world is moving too fast and leaving your legacy behind,
Since this universe will stop expanding and shrink or explode
And back to its nothingness,

So, what is the meaning of living?
Now, today?

What is the meaning of beauty?
What is the meaning of happiness?
What is the meaning of sadness?
What is the meaning of words, thousand words that human has invented?


Why this word is invented?

: Because humans sees too many death
And knowing, naturally, there is something opposite to death
in them,
Like the idea of knowing a pair,
Man and woman,
Black and white,
Right and left,
Body and Soul

Body will go astray,
But there is something remain
That will not go astray,
The soul

If life only this body,
What is the meaning of living, then?

But life provides other than this material reality
Life provides realities that still unknown,
Life provides the reality of soul
That is still unexplored, longing to be found

Behind the cloak of all material things that provides nothing but emptiness.
There is a meaning

I am sure now
Are you?

ps: you can joint if you want ... and it becomes a dialogue !

Gossiping The Blogger

I deliberately take this opportunity so to speak, gossiping...bloggers, me, included. This writing is inspired by other friends story who celebrate their life through their blogs, much more like me.

Blog, a window to a personal expose, nothing wrong with it except, a daily life Blog is just a sign of loneliness, narcissistic, inability to connect with social world orally, normally, humanly.

Instead to create a healthy social relationship and communication, a Blogger chooses an unknown address in (almost) unlimited virtual world, to expose him/herself. And shamelessly, begging everyone to read it, by displaying a reader counter in the web or a personal announcement mail to let everyone, in the world, know what he/ she writes. Is it important? Hey, a blogger think so. I think so. I ask people to read my blog.

So what is a blog, then?
It's a virtual therapy for a lost soul, in post modern civilization, an instant answers to attention seeking personality disorder.


Hey, don't be offended, I too a blogger, and I probably will keep writing this pathetic thing.
Let's laugh together, it's heatlhy.

(the picture is describing narcissus, a greek myth about a young man who fell in love with his own reflection..)

Ps: You know why I love you, honey? because you dont blog. you never find time for this kind of cheesy things :) he he..

Rhyme Of Nature

Imagine living in the world without clock. Your life lingers in the change of day and night. Seasons. A Loose concept of time.

And you will move in the rhyme of nature

Such as: you will say: "My kid born four season ago, " or "I will go to your place in the winter" or for tropical people, like us, we will say, "I will start to build my house in when the dry season starts, "

When you wake up in the morning, you know you are late for work, because the sun is right above your head, and your shadow is under you. Because your work starts after sunrise, when there is still no shadow.

Or you know, that this is the time for eat because you are hungry. Or sleep because you are sleepy.

....You wait for your lover in the park, when the moon reaches its fullest

and you make love in the crescent moon, one day in the autumn..
You are pregnant during winter and spring, and your baby born in summer
Your baby starts to talk when the banana in your backyard ripe..

And you will whisper her, someday in the future ..
"you were conceived in the crescent moon one day in autumn, you were born in the mid of summer and you start to talk when the banana in our backyard ripe,"

In the light of summer, she will always remember they day she was born
Everytime she eats banana she will remember the day she started to talk ..
And she might even try to make love in the autumn day, under the crescent moon..

What a live. I want to live like that.

And, Now, 11 am, I have to start to work..

ps: I am still on the ground honey..I know, we have to pay those damn bills.. he he..

tarian itu usai

Tarian itu sudah usai, sayang
Bagaimanapun kau menunggunya
Penarinya sudah pergi,

mendaki pelangi ..

Jakarta, Sept 19, 2006

Clenched Soul

We have lost even this twilight.
No one saw us this evening hand in hand

while the blue night dropped on the world.

I have seen from my window
the fiesta of sunset in the distant mountain tops.

Sometimes a piece of sun
burned like a coin in my hand.

I remembered you with my soul clenched
in that sadness of mine that you know.

Where were you then?
Who else was there?
Saying what?
Why will the whole of love come on me suddenly
when I am sad and feel you are far away?

The book fell that always closed at twilight
and my blue sweater rolled like a hurt dog at my feet.

Always, always you recede through the evenings
toward the twilight erasing statues.


~Pablo Neruda

a secret plot

"We think that life is a mess

No it is in't

There is meaning

in every second, in every step

it's a plan, it's a secret plot

nothing is coincidence"

Tokyo metro, minowa station, august 25

ps: you know the secret of Love? its Trust, after that, appears the Unity. A Divine Dance..

Behind the smile of clown

Why do I see the clown's smile mischievous?
You don't?

Don't u feel strange to see the wide smile always there, in their face?
Don't you see while they fool you with their sloppy, folly, slapstick actions,
tickle you to laugh out loud, their witty eyes, tinkling?

Why they keep trying to make us laugh?
Who are they, the clown?

".......The first character of clown, appears first time as a jester in the court of Pharaoh Dadkeri-Assi during Egypt's Fifth Dynasty about 2500 B.C, old. Court jesters have performed in China since 1818 B.C.

In about 300 B.C. Chinese emperor Shih Huang-Ti oversaw the building of the Great Wall of China. Thousands of laborers were killed during its construction. He planned to have the wall painted which would have resulted in thousands more dying. His jester, Yu Sze, was the only one who dared criticize his plan. Yu Sze jokingly convinced him to abandon his plan. Yu Sze is remembered today as a Chinese national hero.
One of the most famous of the European court jesters was Nasir Ed Din. One day the king glimpsed himself and a mirror, and saddened at how old he looked, started crying. The other members of the court decided they better cry as well. When the king stopped crying, everyone else stopped crying as well, except Nasir Ed Din. When the king asked Nasir why he was still crying, he replied, "Sire, you looked at yourself in the mirror but for a moment and you cried. I have to look at you all the time."…

Freedom of speech, critics, liberation in its essential meaning represented by the act of court jester. A clown. The brevity to say the truth in a very comical, delicate, down to earth- way.

In other dimension, clown also teach us to laugh. Their folly is projection of our foolishness. Their slapstick action, bolsters dramatic gesture of a comical side inside every of us. When we laugh, we laugh to ourselves, deep down in our heart, we accept ourselves, our foolishness, our weaknesses.

So be careful when you laugh, you might laugh to yourself..

The magic parade

Today, 2000 magicians gather in Stockholm to take part in the World Championship in Magic. Tables floating shoulder high, cards sailing through the air, rabbits pulled out
of hats, Isn't that nice?

Humans bolster illusions,
While all of this, so called reality is nothing but an illusion
Illusion upon Illusion

God, the Greatest Illusionist, The Guru of Magic,
We are part of it, part of His magic parade..
We hover there like a fog, mute in this frivolity

But you know Oceanchild,
Small part of people wants to savor eternity
Questions the parade, to where it goes..

Looking back over their shoulders,
Try to see the traces left from previous lines
Disentangle illusions from illusions,
See behind mischievous smiles of the clown

Listen, a niece piece from the Beatles..(just click)

Listen WAV file

the fool on the hill

"Day after day, alone on a hill,

The man with the foolish grin
is keeping perfectly still,

But nobody wants to know him,
They can see that he's just a fool,
And he never gives an answer,

But the fool on the hill
Sees the sun going down,
And the eyes in his head,
See the world spinning round.

Well on the way, head in a cloud,
The man of a thousand voices
talking percetly loud,

But nobody ever hears him,
Or the sound he appears to make,
And he never seems to notice,

But the fool on the hill
Sees the sun going down,
And the eyes in his head,
See the world spinning round.

And nobody seems to like him,
They can tell what he wants to do,
And he never shows his feelings,

And round, and round, and round, and round, and round...
He never listens to them,He knows that they're the fools
They don't like him,
The fool on the hill "
(taken from:
Audio Files - The Beatles Music)


You know girl,
its not my blog projection to post something "friendsterism" like this, however since you are my loyal fans, ( he he) helped me a lot with this blogs and always, our crazy, "nggak ada saringan", liberating chats (i admire you for that) and also... well, I consider this "fun" to distract me from dull covering that im doing now, okay, okay...apa deh yang nggak buat elu.. :)

Four jobs that I've had

1. part time Teacher
2. part time Researcher in a small NGO projects
3. Journalist in several companies, until to day.

it should be four? hum..blogger? ( he he i dont get pay for this) , lets say,

4. freelance columnist (at least i try once a year..)

Five movies I could watch over and over

1. Serendipity.
2. Before Sunset
3. What woman wants.
3. Sense and sensibility
4. Eternal Sunshine in the spotless mind.

Four places I've lived in
1. Kraksaan, a sub district in east java.
2. Serang, where i spent my teen's time.
3. Bandung, where i learn to read for the first time (kindergatten), my university years.
4. Jakarta, where i born, where i live, at least for now.

Four TV shows I love or loved

I dont watch TV much, except news..or..ah, movies.
Sometimes i watch movie in TV station, even I have watched it, or the movie is somewhere in the cds shelf.
1. Ria jenaka
2. hunter
3. a japanese doku drama (i saw it when i was in high school, forgot the title, but a girl names rika akana was in the movie, i remember the song)
4. isaura ( when i was in junior high school, i remember the song)

Five places I have been on my vacation
1. Malang
2. Kyoto
3. Paris
4. Siam reap ( the abandon city of Angkor)
5. Yogyakarta
i've been in many places. some of them for jobs, some of them mix, job and vacation. But, in this five places, i find some essences: tranquility, soul.., mirrors? ..

Four favorite dishes
1. sushi
2. Fried noodles, any brand. but , it must be instant fried noodles.
3. manggo
4. star fruit juice

Four website I visit daily
2. AFP
3. my blog
4. other blogs

Four places I would rather be right now

1. Kyoto
2. a village between frankfurt and paris, i dont know the name, but the houses like in fairy tale. I only saw it from the train.
3.i like it here ( now, im in a place where its easy for me to go to the nice book stores)
4. a place, where no one knows me

Four bloggers I'm tagging (i dont know, i dont tag people.., but ive to follow the rule right?and i doubt they will joint this)

. kuyazr

si dita

gk ada lagi :( , i dont have much friends in blog..udah deh ya.. cape. ..


(kings of convenience, 2004)

Riding on this know-how
Never been here before
Peculiarly entrusted
Possibly that's all

Is history recorded?
Does someone have a tape?
Surely, I'm no pioneer
Constellations stay the same
Just a little bit of danger
When intriguingly
Our little secret
Trusts that you trust me

'Cause no one will ever know
That this was happening
So tell me why you listen
When nobody's talking

What is there to know?
All this is what it is
You and me alone
Sheer simplicity

ps: forgive me for all .. im just silly


I question the disasters that haunt them, haunt us, haunt me
I question the grief,
I question my questions

A friend with lame voice from far- far - far away said:

"Once, God said in Al-Quran, the disaster means to cleanse your heart,"

(The translation may false, anyway in Indonesian: membersihkan apa yang ada di dadamu)

Whose heart to cleanse? To those who beliefs? I asked dully,

"Yeah, those who beliefs," (with lamer voice..)

What's other than beliefs can save us from this.
Tears cleanse the heart,
the unspeakable grief, cleanse, whatever in our heart
No cynic, No jokes, No questions
When everything is just, there.
In front of us.

I have other friend, who didn't believe in God,
he went to Patayya, Thailand, after Tsunami,
just to see corpses buoy in the sea.

"It is very silent here now, only corpses float in the sea. They look innocent, just like corals," he said through the phone.

"One can be crazy, If they don't try to find meaning of all this loss," he said again. More to himself.

Later I know he begins to pray. I still don't know what's his beliefs, religion..

i dont really care. i know, his heart is cleansed.

For Aceh, Nias, Yogyakarta, Pangandaran, for me

Ps: thanks lame voice..


Swept the sadness away
stabs me in every gaze
I am here
I kiss you

Let me embrace you
Stroke your baby hair
Tickle your ears

Let's dwell in this together
In the river flows, bring us nowhere
In a mute, separated, dream
In the hollowness
In empty spaces
wordless joy
each and every moment,

and time is nothing

Doing the right thing

A good friend of mine, far away from a nation in the north east ,
asked me to day :

Sis, I wonder, are we supposed to believe in anything?
Did God put us here to test our beliefs, or just to amuse himself?
Sometimes i wish i can just shut everything off, win the lottery and enjoy myself, and forget about doing things right or even doing the right thing.

My answer was:

I heard once that God creates human for Him to be recognized
But, after we know that He is there, then so what?
Its still difficult to understand Him
His complexity is beyond our reach
But, i think It's always right to do the right thing (or doing things right)
Because maybe, in doing it, we are in attempt to understand Him.

I think, "In attempt" is the most benign moment in life.

In attempt to be.... the first runner in a race,
In attempt to be....a good wife or good husband
In attempt to be ....the best sales man or girl
In attempt to be.....a good friend, good mother, good brother or sister
In attempt to be .... Me..

Well, we can fail in all those "in attempt" things..
but we have tried. we have embarked, faced the demon.

We might fail, but we will never loose.

ps: a good self theraphy :)) ..

Love after Love

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart.
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf

the photographs, the desperate notes.
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

- Derek Walcott-

Drama, Drama..

I don't like football, rrr, okay, it is more honest to say, that I don't watch football but with some exceptions, like world cup finals or some matches in Italian's league.
I like Italian league mainly because, hum well, they are just beautiful ! (he he)

and World cup finals? mainly it's a guarantee of football world class performance:
I can enjoy that. World cup finals also involve thick emotion: a romantic - nationalistic battle - a matter life and death without guns and its fun to feel the merry and watch the crazy supporters.

I am not a football fans and yet I'm not "anti football". I'm not the person who goes to a cafe to watch a match or wear T-shirt belong to some groups or countries. Those behaviors will make me feel, somehow, alienated. (Perhaps, if Indonesia goes to world cup, I'll wear Indonesian t-shirt, if it looks good, anyway)

I like to watch football in my home, mostly alone, if I can't sleep, or trying to write something (mostly stuck or block) and always with a cup of tea. Or if I cant write anything, I try to cook something (mostly instant sardines or noodles, he he, just to make me busy).

Live football match in TV gives me sense, that i'm not alone. There is a bunch of crazy people out there who still wake up in the middle of the night and watch TV. I'm not a serious spectator, but still, I feel upset if I don't see the goals.

Most of the football match is boring. But, beside natural physical attraction that creates some exception in me (ha, ha), football match becomes interesting with the "drama" .

Football involves so much human's emotion, ambition, frustrations, pride, deception, sadness, happiness. You can see laugh and tears in football and also you can learn wisdom, sportive minds, wiliness, and tricks.

It is just another reflection of humanity in us.

I think it's the drama that attracts spectators all over the world, not just the techniques.

Remember, Maradonna hand's of God goal (I remember my pap yelled with surprise when he saw that in TV, but I didn't understand, I was too small to understand, is it in 1986?), two goals of Zidane that brought France into world cup champion in 1998 and soared his name.

and now, in 2006, Zidane blemishes his glowing carrier with surprising head butts to Matarazzi's chest, an Italian defender.
This emotional act caused him a red card 10 minutes before the match end. such infamous end for Zidane, who has decided to retire after the 2006 world cup.

I start my job this morning, reading news wires, try to find the reason why Zidane did such irrational and embarrassing things for him and France. Loosing Zidane made France lost its captain, lost the spirit, lost a valuable player for penalty and at the end, lost the world cup.

Most of the experts, believe, Zidane was provoked by Matarazzi's words, no one knows, what Matarazi said to Zidanne. Maybe it will be one of the world's mysteri.

Italia wins with penalty. Anticlimax. But, who cares? They have the world cup..
And France, hum.. dwells in tears..
Les Bleus ces't la vie.., ces't la vie..

this is just another play? rite? God, do you enjoy football?

Ps: we are just the same :)), funny isn't it?

Here Comes the Sun

(Nina Simone 1971, New york recording)

Here comes the sun Little darlin, here comes the sun
I say, its all right, its all right
Little Darlin its been a long cold and lonely winter,
little darlin it feels like years since you've been here

(Refrain) Little darlin the smiles have returned to the faces now,
little darlin it seems like years since you've been here .
Little darlin its been a long cold lonely winter,
little darlin it feels like years since you've been here

Here somes the sun, arent you glad to see it,
I say its all right
Here comes the sun little darlin, I say Its alright .
Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun I say
Little Darlin, it seems like years since you've been here

Little darlin here comes the sun,
its all right
You can come on out

ps: thanks God, thanks true love..and thanks Dr. Nina for such beautiful soul.. :))

Small Things

I took a day off yesterday, and it was nice. Thanks to my husband who suggested me to detach a bit from hussle bussle daily work.

I did mentally, physically.

Alone, away from internet, mobile phone, people, news, made me : finished murakami`s book norwegian wood, saw three movies (two of them were, interesting, told u later) and indulged my chaostic, incoherrent, interior taste by re-design the living room.

What I call living room, is only a small room in our home, with books in the bookshelf, a couch, a rotan chair and table.

I mean that the only things we have in our small living room, and hum.. hang on the wall, there is a retro poster of theater performance in Paris in 1940`s (the frame cost a lot more than the poster), a papyrus painting from Sudan, small souvenirs from places I or my husband have visited, the souvenirs is placed on a table, suppose to be a phone table with news paper holder. And an old clock from my father`s house.

There is something to be proud of, a pashmina, Afghanistan`s stole, a friend`s present from Kabul (thanks ya peng) that now, covers the couch in the top with another fabric, kind of humm..i dont know, wool or linen from yogyakarta.

My husband said, the new looks remind him hippies living room, I added "yeah, and what we need now is crack.." he he.. But, I think, he kind of like it.

Murakami`s book title Norwegian Wood, reffers to Beatles song with the same title. I was courious of that song, and i found beatles mp3 somewhere, in the cds box. And I listened to that song yesterday.

Do you remember ? (just click):
Listen WAV file

I once had a girl, or should i say, she once had me.
She showed me her room, isn't it good, norwegian wood?
She asked me to stay and she told me to sit anywhere,
So i looked around and i noticed there wasn't a chair.
I sat on a rug, biding my time, drinking her wine.
We talked until two and then she said, "it's time for bed".
She told me she worked in the morning and started to laugh.
I told her i didn't and crawled off to sleep in the bath.
And when i awoke i was alone, this bird had flown.
So i lit a fire, isn't it good, norwegian wood.

(taken from:
Audio Files - The Beatles Music)

I know this song. But, I didnt know the title and until to day i dont get what this songs mean. What is Norwegian wood? Norwegian girl ? Anyway this is a good song to listen to. and I think it matches somehow, with the new look of my living room. Anyway, the bookshelf made from wood :)).

The book teaches me to enjoy the small things. Enjoy the absurdity of live while you`re living it. Enjoy every small momments, in the current. now. there is never yesterday or tomorrow. The story is about a young man with his rebellious mind, sexual experiences, and his abstract undrestanding of love..

The last word on previous paragraph, made me want to talk about the two movies that I saw yesterday, Before sunrise and Before Sunset. Second title is the sequel, but do you know, after how many years the sequel was made? 9 years. Before Sunrise made in 1995 and Before Sunset in 2004. Starred with the same stars Ethan Hawke and July Deeply. The story in the first movie was simple, two strangers met in Eurorail in Europe, An american guy Jesse and French girl Celine, and they decided to stop in vienna, and spent 14 hours, walked and talked, around the city, they just could not stop talking. Its like they were couple for years.

Well, finally they slept together, in a park. But, this movie came to magic when they agreed not to exchange adress or phone number, because they affraid the feeling became ordinary and fade away. The ending of this movie was, they promised to meet, in another six months at the vienna station.

The sequel was, 9 years later (which indeed 9 years after the first movie, Ethan and Jully looks so different, off course they are older..) when they accidentally reunited in Paris. Jesse wrote a novel, that became best sellers their one night and Celine, who became enviromental acitivist, read his novel.

Celine went to a book store in Paris where Jesee promoted his novel. And they met, and again talked about their life.They were thirty something, Jesse was married with a son and Celine in a relationship with war photographer. They were more mature, wiser. Well, their life was not so happy (as we all are when we grow older, rite? ). Nothing was in the movie except their conversation in that day. Their conversation was natural, hypocritical,and in the same time touching, because, in the end they could not avoid to be honest to each other. Another open ending was there in this sequel, when July dance and said to Jesse "youre gonna missed your plane," and Jesse answered: "I know".

How they would end?

"It will depend wheter you are a cynic or romantic", I took this quote from the movie.

Anyway, life provides us with million of odds.
Whether they were meant to be together or not, it didnt matter.
They had heir momments, and thats it. Its not a big deal.

This is only small things guys.. dont be so serious.
Anyway, living live, keep walking, redefining and never, ever, stop.
I love you, all.. :)

Sout East Asia Association, a stagnancy

10.57 pm, Yogyakarta

I have told you my view about ASEAN. Despite all the facts, I think ASEAN will never become such an effective organization, as long as, they can not solve their basic problems.

Such as: economic gap and problem of trust, caused by their various political system background (remember ASEAN history as colonial's region), in particular, countries in Indochina region: Cambodia, Myanmar (Burma), Laos, Vietnam with other member in ASEAN.

Indonesia, I think, should start to consider seriously leaving ASEAN and stop its mental dependence to ASEAN. The mentality that says Indonesia needs ASEAN to show how influential Indonesia is in South East Asia region.

Are we? Are we influential? If its true, what is the result? Is there any ASEAN contribution to the international world, (okay, except TAC), Does ASEAN seen and weighted in the international society?

Beside ASEAN diplomats, how many people remember Asean Regional Forum? The only forum outside six lateral party talks, where North Korea, Japan, United States sit together in a rather peaceful atmosphere. No one. Because there has never an applicable, concrete, results appeared from such ambitious forum.

This mentality -- Indonesia is the biggest country in southeast Asia -- is not healthy, even we know that is the facts; We have to remember that we are Giant in the group of ants.

ASEAN is dull. I do hope Indonesia does not linger in that kind of stagnancy.

Anyway, this is just a thought.

Next we will talk about Australia, our lovely neighbor.
If you're not bored.
But, its likely, I bore myself with this topic, he he.
or perhaps, i will write about something else, something to make you frown. Love, maybe? :)
Good night, dear.. see you in Jakarta.

7 concentric circles

This is not Dante's Hell Circles. This is more mundane. I want to write some basics of Indonesia's foreign policy, and about Dante? I will write that later. Dante is also interesting. Perhaps, Dante is more attractive for some readers here. But, anyway, this is my blog :)

And, ah, this writing is not scientific writing in foreign politics. Its not even an article. This is just my view, a view of beginner in this matter. This is only dots of my experience, Im just trying to connect the dots. Im glad, if any of you willing to comment on this, share your views about Indonesia's foreign policy.

Please question my view. Debate me. Okay?

As in other countries, Indonesia's foreign policy is a tool to maintain domestic interest. Indonesia's interest mostly, territorial integrity. This is natural. Indonesia is an archipelagic state, it consists more 13.000 islands. Integrity for such vast region is essential. But, also this is ironic, because we know, we dont have ability to gain the most of it.

Speaking about circles, AFAIK, these are concentric circles/priorities of Indonesia's foreign policy:

-East Pacific (Aus, NZ, PIF, (Pacific Island Forum: those tiny islands in the pacific)
-East Asia (Japan, China, Korean Peninsula, India)
-European Uni, United States
-Middle East countries
-Asia and Africa (non-alignment countries)
-United Nations

ASEAN is the corner stone for Indonesia foreign policy. Why is that? I think and this is just a wild thought ASEAN is a place where Indonesia can shows its power most. Indonesia, is the biggest country in ASEAN, in terms of people and territory. The present of Indonesia as the fourth largest country in the world in ASEAN, is essential for ASEAN.

Kissinger in his book Does American need foreign policy has portrayed countries in South East Asia region with high potentials of conflict. Countries in this region, has never been involved in open war, because most of them is colonial territories.

In the past, they didnt control them-self. Their colonial was. Dutch was for Hindia, Spain and United States for Philippines, British for Malaysia, Singapore and Brunei. France was the colonial for most of Indochina.

ASEAN was established in 1967, as a buffer in the cold war, to gather those ex colonials into an agreement in maintaining peace and avoiding war. Therefore there was a Treaty for Amity and cooperation, means: an agreement not to launch open conflict in the region. It was a historical leap for this region. An eternal peace treaty that attracts influential countries, such as Russia, Japan, France, to join the treaty. It is not bad.

As the time goes by, a long with their traditional nature to avoid open conflict, ASEAN is demanded to show real contribution to their own people and international society (read: western countries).

ASEAN is criticized as "weak" in dealing with Military junta in burma (Myanmar) who continue to arrest some so called leaders of pro-democratic movement. ASEAN also criticized as a "bureaucrats gathering", since its never shows any concrete programs to its people (this view compare ASEAN with EU, who has their own parliament, currency, etc and also African Union, who has their own mechanism for conflict resolution and prevention)

SO far ASEAN has advance concepts, of politic, economy and social-cultural community but they are still hesitating to move forward. Some reasons are less trust to each others and heavy dependence in terms of economy and security to the Giants such as US, Japan and China.

Its 9.30 pm. I have to finish, and get some sleep.
I'll be in yogya from tomorrow night. I will update from there.

see you..

Riddle of Light

We often look for Light in bright places. In shining faces, white satin, Light symbols, words of God..But law of nature shows us, Light is glowing, mostly, in the dark

Read this:
Yakinkah ku berdiri/ di hampa tanpa tepi boleh aku mendengarMu/Terkubur dalam emosi / Tanpa bisa sembunyi/ Aku dan nafasku MerindukanMuTerpuruk kudisini/Teraniaya sepi/ Dan kutahu pasti /Kau menemani/ Dalam hidupku KesendiriankuTeringat ku teringat/Pada janjiMu kuterikat/ Hanya sekejap kuberdiri /Kulakukan sepenuh hati /Siang dan malam yang berganti/Sedihku ini tiada arti/Jika Kaulah sandaran hatiBenarkah ini jalanMu/Hanyalah EngkauYang kutuju/ Pegang erat tanganku/Bimbing langkah kakiku/Aku hilang arahTanpa Hadir Mu/Dalam gelapnya Malam hariku

I did not find the lyric in a tassawuf book or paper. I found this in the first album of Letto a new band.

A group of young men, who appear on the stage in their hip-hop style, sing pop songs, light pop, complete with their menye-menye stage act, prompting ABG girls to scream, anyway, they are just an ordinary band.

This song (those lyrics) is popular in radio stations. Usually, they play this in Love song sessions. They may not check objects in this song is full with capital letters. But, its okay, its time to talk about real Love, right?

I am not really into Indonesian bands. But, I dont know, I wanted to buy their album.
Its rare. But, hum.. so many weird things have happened to me lately; I just go a long with that. I bought it.

And, now, I know. Who said that we have to see Light in the light?

Ps I: In my amazement of their lyrics, someone told me, the band vocalist is a son of Emha Ainun Nadjib who has just returned from his study in United States. Other songs are also interesting. Its a blessing for Indonesian youngsters to hear and digest some spiritual lyrics in a truly, light pop song of a hip-hop style band.

Ps 2: thanks :)

The Greatest Satire

it was the most interesting Sunday I ever had.
I witnessed three important moments in live of humans

Death, married, and birth.
Each took place in different time, places, and people,
but it happened in a row, in one day.

It was like Quentin Tarantino movie, and the red thread was only me.
I was there in those three moments.
I was astonished.
It is like a great play presented in front of me,
I was the only viewer, crawling to seek some meaning, in those performances.

Sadness and happiness, is only string of live.
Because we are just puppets, play in His will.
Nothing is coincidence.
Nothing is eternal.

In Sunday afternoon, I attended some group of discussion, we discussed about His will.
We called it qodho and qodhar, it is a belief in Islam that everything has been decided by God, even before we born.

A member of the group, acted as fatalist questioned the logic behind this belief. He said all his good deeds are futile attempt, because God has decided to where he will End, hell or heaven.

For me, I do not have problem with that. First, I am not really interested with the idea of hell and heaven. It is like childish answer for such a complicated riddle of this mundane live. Second, I accept "Qodho and Qodhar " as the irony, as the Greatest Satire. His joke I have yet understood.

Some books, philosophical questions, philosophical thoughts, thousand poets, have tried to describe the irony of human live. I think that is the irony of the creation. All types of creation.

How can we escape from our Creator, for Him that brings us to life, for Him that makes us exist?, as now, when Im writing now, I am on His will.
We are just a role, in His book. Did He enjoy write about us?
Is He still writing, now?

if I can meet Him face to face, I will ask this:

What is the funny things create us, humans in this world, creates right and wrong, put us in this illusions, and ask us to be responsible for that?

for we, have never been asked to live?

It is a real Joy, knowing you God.

but I just cant solve this riddle.
not yet.

the riddle

With His Name

I am not looking for you or you

Iam not looking for love,
I do not understand what love is

I am a riddle
You are a riddle

And we are trying to solve that