You know girl,
its not my blog projection to post something "friendsterism" like this, however since you are my loyal fans, ( he he) helped me a lot with this blogs and always, our crazy, "nggak ada saringan", liberating chats (i admire you for that) and also... well, I consider this "fun" to distract me from dull covering that im doing now, okay, okay...apa deh yang nggak buat elu.. :)

Four jobs that I've had

1. part time Teacher
2. part time Researcher in a small NGO projects
3. Journalist in several companies, until to day.

it should be four? hum..blogger? ( he he i dont get pay for this) , lets say,

4. freelance columnist (at least i try once a year..)

Five movies I could watch over and over

1. Serendipity.
2. Before Sunset
3. What woman wants.
3. Sense and sensibility
4. Eternal Sunshine in the spotless mind.

Four places I've lived in
1. Kraksaan, a sub district in east java.
2. Serang, where i spent my teen's time.
3. Bandung, where i learn to read for the first time (kindergatten), my university years.
4. Jakarta, where i born, where i live, at least for now.

Four TV shows I love or loved

I dont watch TV much, except news..or..ah, movies.
Sometimes i watch movie in TV station, even I have watched it, or the movie is somewhere in the cds shelf.
1. Ria jenaka
2. hunter
3. a japanese doku drama (i saw it when i was in high school, forgot the title, but a girl names rika akana was in the movie, i remember the song)
4. isaura ( when i was in junior high school, i remember the song)

Five places I have been on my vacation
1. Malang
2. Kyoto
3. Paris
4. Siam reap ( the abandon city of Angkor)
5. Yogyakarta
i've been in many places. some of them for jobs, some of them mix, job and vacation. But, in this five places, i find some essences: tranquility, soul.., mirrors? ..

Four favorite dishes
1. sushi
2. Fried noodles, any brand. but , it must be instant fried noodles.
3. manggo
4. star fruit juice

Four website I visit daily
2. AFP
3. my blog
4. other blogs

Four places I would rather be right now

1. Kyoto
2. a village between frankfurt and paris, i dont know the name, but the houses like in fairy tale. I only saw it from the train.
3.i like it here ( now, im in a place where its easy for me to go to the nice book stores)
4. a place, where no one knows me

Four bloggers I'm tagging (i dont know, i dont tag people.., but ive to follow the rule right?and i doubt they will joint this)

. kuyazr

si dita

gk ada lagi :( , i dont have much friends in blog..udah deh ya.. cape. ..


(kings of convenience, 2004)

Riding on this know-how
Never been here before
Peculiarly entrusted
Possibly that's all

Is history recorded?
Does someone have a tape?
Surely, I'm no pioneer
Constellations stay the same
Just a little bit of danger
When intriguingly
Our little secret
Trusts that you trust me

'Cause no one will ever know
That this was happening
So tell me why you listen
When nobody's talking

What is there to know?
All this is what it is
You and me alone
Sheer simplicity

ps: forgive me for all .. im just silly


I question the disasters that haunt them, haunt us, haunt me
I question the grief,
I question my questions

A friend with lame voice from far- far - far away said:

"Once, God said in Al-Quran, the disaster means to cleanse your heart,"

(The translation may false, anyway in Indonesian: membersihkan apa yang ada di dadamu)

Whose heart to cleanse? To those who beliefs? I asked dully,

"Yeah, those who beliefs," (with lamer voice..)

What's other than beliefs can save us from this.
Tears cleanse the heart,
the unspeakable grief, cleanse, whatever in our heart
No cynic, No jokes, No questions
When everything is just, there.
In front of us.

I have other friend, who didn't believe in God,
he went to Patayya, Thailand, after Tsunami,
just to see corpses buoy in the sea.

"It is very silent here now, only corpses float in the sea. They look innocent, just like corals," he said through the phone.

"One can be crazy, If they don't try to find meaning of all this loss," he said again. More to himself.

Later I know he begins to pray. I still don't know what's his beliefs, religion..

i dont really care. i know, his heart is cleansed.

For Aceh, Nias, Yogyakarta, Pangandaran, for me

Ps: thanks lame voice..


Swept the sadness away
stabs me in every gaze
I am here
I kiss you

Let me embrace you
Stroke your baby hair
Tickle your ears

Let's dwell in this together
In the river flows, bring us nowhere
In a mute, separated, dream
In the hollowness
In empty spaces
wordless joy
each and every moment,

and time is nothing

Doing the right thing

A good friend of mine, far away from a nation in the north east ,
asked me to day :

Sis, I wonder, are we supposed to believe in anything?
Did God put us here to test our beliefs, or just to amuse himself?
Sometimes i wish i can just shut everything off, win the lottery and enjoy myself, and forget about doing things right or even doing the right thing.

My answer was:

I heard once that God creates human for Him to be recognized
But, after we know that He is there, then so what?
Its still difficult to understand Him
His complexity is beyond our reach
But, i think It's always right to do the right thing (or doing things right)
Because maybe, in doing it, we are in attempt to understand Him.

I think, "In attempt" is the most benign moment in life.

In attempt to be.... the first runner in a race,
In attempt to be....a good wife or good husband
In attempt to be ....the best sales man or girl
In attempt to be.....a good friend, good mother, good brother or sister
In attempt to be .... Me..

Well, we can fail in all those "in attempt" things..
but we have tried. we have embarked, faced the demon.

We might fail, but we will never loose.

ps: a good self theraphy :)) ..

Love after Love

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart.
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf

the photographs, the desperate notes.
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

- Derek Walcott-

Drama, Drama..

I don't like football, rrr, okay, it is more honest to say, that I don't watch football but with some exceptions, like world cup finals or some matches in Italian's league.
I like Italian league mainly because, hum well, they are just beautiful ! (he he)

and World cup finals? mainly it's a guarantee of football world class performance:
I can enjoy that. World cup finals also involve thick emotion: a romantic - nationalistic battle - a matter life and death without guns and its fun to feel the merry and watch the crazy supporters.

I am not a football fans and yet I'm not "anti football". I'm not the person who goes to a cafe to watch a match or wear T-shirt belong to some groups or countries. Those behaviors will make me feel, somehow, alienated. (Perhaps, if Indonesia goes to world cup, I'll wear Indonesian t-shirt, if it looks good, anyway)

I like to watch football in my home, mostly alone, if I can't sleep, or trying to write something (mostly stuck or block) and always with a cup of tea. Or if I cant write anything, I try to cook something (mostly instant sardines or noodles, he he, just to make me busy).

Live football match in TV gives me sense, that i'm not alone. There is a bunch of crazy people out there who still wake up in the middle of the night and watch TV. I'm not a serious spectator, but still, I feel upset if I don't see the goals.

Most of the football match is boring. But, beside natural physical attraction that creates some exception in me (ha, ha), football match becomes interesting with the "drama" .

Football involves so much human's emotion, ambition, frustrations, pride, deception, sadness, happiness. You can see laugh and tears in football and also you can learn wisdom, sportive minds, wiliness, and tricks.

It is just another reflection of humanity in us.

I think it's the drama that attracts spectators all over the world, not just the techniques.

Remember, Maradonna hand's of God goal (I remember my pap yelled with surprise when he saw that in TV, but I didn't understand, I was too small to understand, is it in 1986?), two goals of Zidane that brought France into world cup champion in 1998 and soared his name.

and now, in 2006, Zidane blemishes his glowing carrier with surprising head butts to Matarazzi's chest, an Italian defender.
This emotional act caused him a red card 10 minutes before the match end. such infamous end for Zidane, who has decided to retire after the 2006 world cup.

I start my job this morning, reading news wires, try to find the reason why Zidane did such irrational and embarrassing things for him and France. Loosing Zidane made France lost its captain, lost the spirit, lost a valuable player for penalty and at the end, lost the world cup.

Most of the experts, believe, Zidane was provoked by Matarazzi's words, no one knows, what Matarazi said to Zidanne. Maybe it will be one of the world's mysteri.

Italia wins with penalty. Anticlimax. But, who cares? They have the world cup..
And France, hum.. dwells in tears..
Les Bleus ces't la vie.., ces't la vie..

this is just another play? rite? God, do you enjoy football?

Ps: we are just the same :)), funny isn't it?

Here Comes the Sun

(Nina Simone 1971, New york recording)

Here comes the sun Little darlin, here comes the sun
I say, its all right, its all right
Little Darlin its been a long cold and lonely winter,
little darlin it feels like years since you've been here

(Refrain) Little darlin the smiles have returned to the faces now,
little darlin it seems like years since you've been here .
Little darlin its been a long cold lonely winter,
little darlin it feels like years since you've been here

Here somes the sun, arent you glad to see it,
I say its all right
Here comes the sun little darlin, I say Its alright .
Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun I say
Little Darlin, it seems like years since you've been here

Little darlin here comes the sun,
its all right
You can come on out

ps: thanks God, thanks true love..and thanks Dr. Nina for such beautiful soul.. :))