I stumbled in a friend status on ... well u can mention anything in this social media era, FB, Twitter.. he said, "living the dream" hum...
it made me thinking over my life. everything good happening to me is happened just as that. Or everything happened to me, far different than my dream, or something that i never dream off.

First, I never dream worked in a foreign media, and I did.

(my dream was working in Tempo magz, but I failed in Psi-Test, :). and I hate that. I hate Psi-Test. I think its unfair and.. blalalalal , ogh.. see? i still wanting working in the magz.. ha ha.. after more than 10 years,God.. )

the first reason why i applied to the job, because a good friend handed me the advertisement she got from a newspaper, and said: "Its good for you!" , well, i thought why not? at that time i worked in so called a night news paper, a day dreaming concept that ppl need something to read before they sleep, so we published news paper released at 8 pm, ha ha!. why i worked in such uncovincing institution?  i just need a job, any job.. anyway, i worked there, and i keep laughing inside. They pour money for something for me, ridicoulous. The editorial chief, a nice guy, keep convincing me its  a good idea. He knew, though,  that i didnt buy it.  But, they agree to pay me monthly and i need monye,  so well i have no problem, even if they wanted to publish the news paper at midnight. he he he..

Then, there, the vacancy, a japanese news agency. I didnt expect much, though. I sent two pages of my CV through fax at 1 am.  then I receive a call, for interview, then a writing test, then an interview again. .. then, from more than 300 applicants, they chose one.
Working there, created experiences that i never been expected. travel and travel and travel. I know meaning of pasport, visa, immigration, jet-lag, something beyond my comprehension. I enjoyed that, I enjoyed the traveling. I crossed different land, ppl, and cultures.  The work, well its a journalist work, what to expect? nothing new, expect off course the pressure. heaviest pressure in work i ever feel. But, it made me learn something, japanese is good as friend, but if you can, avoid to work with them, ha hahaa. I learn a lot off course. I love Japan and its ppl, it just part of me, it wont be riped off. But, Im beginning to suspect myself, if i have chanced to visit Europe, as often as i visited Japan, I might think that Europe is part of me too..

Second, I never dream to have a business. and I do, now. (plus working as an editor, which is, a bit tiring)

I always thought myself a bohemian writer. I dont do business. I never think about money or future. i dont save money, I pour money in books, books, travel, and good food.. ( this behaviour change, soon, when my boy start to enter his playgroup, and i realize the education fee is crazy here, and its the opposite with the qualty.  deep in my heart i imagined , ssst, its secret, to move to Finland, or  any other countries that give free education and deliver world best quality teaching. ..)

So, i why again become a businessman? i didnt plan that either.

In a very delicate situation, ( I worked in very difficult situation, every morning, I pray to God, please God give me new job) I applied to many companies no answer. until at that day, my birthday, i prayed in fresh, and serene morning, i said: "God, anyone who call me today (for work) it is my way, " .. Hm.. then out of the blue, and old friend call me.  He is husband of one of my best friend. asking me to join him in a writing project. and not only that, later in our meeting, he offered me to join his company, as a partner. Then I resigned. I gave up my salary, which considering not bad.  Join my friend in a writing project, then to feed the company we must looking for projects, and projects, and now, we have 8 ppl working with us.. My salary now, is not bad either, and i have the divident to, as i have almost 50% share (49,5) .. and i dont have to go to the office everyday, i can work form home.  I can see my kids grows. What can be better than that?
 the best thing is, we can give to our staffs insurance, and pension schme.. Allhamdulilah,  i see the bright future. Insya Allah.

Third, I never dream to be a Mother.
Now, i am a mother of two. actualy in 2006, or 7 i have a dream to see a boy smile at me in a sunny day, in a beach. and when my boy smile at me (now, he's 3 yr old) i know by heart, its a smile i knew 6 years before.

so do i living my dream?
no. I live beyond my dream.. Allhamdulilah..
Oh today, its February 14, ah its already 15 now,
so, i passed valentine day, was it?
humm  still its not late,
i must pondering  Love, now.
so, its a thursday night ups, not its earlyyy Friday morning
. Time to ponder about Love, this, alone, with Him, who know me well.


Life and Love

It is a little bit strange start to write again in an abandoned blog. 
its like entering a home, clean up the mess, enjoy the sphere, look at the old paintings, 
touch the wall, the knits in your living room, open the dusty books in the shelf..
and you enter the kitchen, looking for the tea that always calming you.. 
boiling it.. and while you wait the tea boils, you sit slowly in the corner, and
begin to write.

almost 4 years passed since i post the last writing. 
My life has changed a lot. Some are still. But many has changed.  

  • i am now a mother of two, a boy and a girl..off course it changed my perspective about how a child is in front of their parent or mother (in my case), you can read my old perspective  hereBut, something not change, i still have faith that it is a crime to put a child into your shoes, my shoes, i wrote that in 2008, and i still believe that, now. Hopefully, it will be forever. 
  •  i am no longer a desperate worker he he..  i run a business now, with my friend. Still and may it always be relate to writing, translating, editing.. i learn a lot. i like to listen to a story, and the art to re-telling the story.. or interpreting words, anyway, i love this job.. Allhamdulilah.  However, still i have angst. running the business means that i hve rare opportunity  to write my  column.. hopefully with a bright start this year... (we are finalizing several drafts of business agreement with  hype companies), we can hire more ppl and i can have my own writing space.. aamiin.. but, i know now, the complication to choose: do you want to live in comfort while you business only have snail space or do you want your business to grow fast and giving in your comfortness for a while, let say 3- 4 years? Hm .. hm... And i beginning to see the possibility to write fiction. I know its hard for me to step into the fictional words (in the oppossite, i am a vivid readers of novels) but i sense, it would be interesting adventure: writing fiction. 
  •  I am a social media activist. He he.. i find myself, happy to share picture of my kids, my writing, my temporary monkey mind, in my facebook wall. But, I know its not healthy. I hate myself becoming part of the hysteria. it is not me. Then, I decide to write again in my blog.

So, life is becoming very interesting, mates. I enjoy the episodes. 
I also experienced things that may not  be understood by some of you, even me. 
But, like a crystal put in your hand, i know and feel it real and the light touch my heart. 


hmmm.. let's say im beginning to understand.. how this "soul" business works...
well.. im not the expert, but let say, beginning to. 

anyway, i love you, readers. 
keep reading my blog, ;)