the-riddle

What can I tell of the silent?
Its just there with me in a stream of strange notes
It shows you how to see inside of things, than outside
To look closer in everything and create distance in the same time

Live is poignant misery if we see from one side
I’ve traveled around the world only to see
people like to argue than to find harmony
A one side,
Winning, competition, fame, gold, and glory..
But nothing offers me this strange notes I’ve found
Here in my place, now.

What can I tell of the silent?
When everything, past and recent, moving slowly
With no sound
Showing nothing than my beast
O! illusion, the illusion of me,

Let the silent shatter all
Teach me its nature,
to move unsound
But making stream notes,
and show me things.

Sudirman is name of the road that i've been working in a foreign company, for more than 7 years.. or 8 years.. anyway, quite a long time.. Working in foreign company creates such a comfort zone that some people dream of. Good payment and easy, easy, easy job.

Easy because what they need mostly is your local knowledge, local wisdom, and solution. Thats why they hired you as "local staff". No matter how good you are, in front of them you just a "local staff". An indigenous that they hire to make them understand the native land.

Good thing working with foreigner was you were challenged with completely different culture and mindset, standard, ( interesting to learn.. but after several years, you feel exhausted because it always you who have to made adjustment, simply because its them who write number in your salary slip)

And it would be harder if you work with a nation who used to be isolated for thousand years, before accepting foreigners in their land. Tendency of closed mindset is obvious. You see them as a puppet in a string (works controls them) and if you smart enough you can be the puppeteer. However, a lonesome puppeteer, knowing that they see you as their reflection.

Several months ago, with all syndrome of fatigue and feel of under utilized and a good agreement on pension compensation (he he, thats' important, guys), I decided to quit.

Reason? well, anything.. took a master degree, resting..

The decision is so relieving, more than i realize, and i got pregnant.. a month after. Wow. and it seems a successful one.. (hopefully.. please God).. Now, im entering the last month working here.

Well, im gonna miss this office a litlle bit. Especially, financial assuredness every month. But, one must make decision, take a step ahead (maybe not comforting for a while)... and im sure, a great adventure, happier life and bright future waiting ahead. Like morning sun I very much enjoy this morning in Sudirman.

Allhamdulilah.

This morning, i read in a book poetical quotes of Cheng Ho,
placed at the temple at the mouth of the Min River on the Fujian coat, China.
It said:

“We have traversed more than 100,000 li
of immense water spaces,
have beheld in the ocean huge waves
like mountains rising sky-high.

We have set eyes on barbarian regions far away,
hidden in a blue transparency of light vapours,
while our sails, loftily unfurled like clouds,

Day and night continues their course,
rapid like that of a star,
traversing those savage waves,"

I feel that, each of us are sailing our own ship everyday, in the ocean of life.
We have beheld in the "ocean huge waves, like mountains rising sky high" , and we continue to sail, no matter what,
hope, our ship continue to cleave trough the ocean, "rapid like that of a star,"

I wish all of us have all the spirit, courage, wisdom, we need..
to conquer the ocean
and together reach island of eternity
the land for the brave..

aamiin

ps: for my brave Comerades. salute. teach me how to sail.

music by white shoes and couples company
song and lyrics:Aprillia Aprasari



Its rainy season and the grey clouds
complete the theme
the rusty fence, the noisy thunder
creepy storm and the falling trees

Television, tea and coffee
all the books are getting dusty

If there is a way i will catch up for you
visit the spring

Where the ices are melting
and the new plants are growing
flower is blooming
and lovers are kissing

In an interview, Dylan Thomas said poetry is statement made on the way to the grave. These words cut my heart in pieces.

Thomas definition of poetry explains things like: anything that is too beautiful, so beautiful, makes you cry?

What is the right word for this? melancholy? right. melancholy.

Melancholy is always in tune with introvert, something closed and hidden. Its just painful and full with desperation.

Meanwhile, in another interview, John Lennon said: usually something real, is simple, and everything that is simple, is true.

I think there is always two perspectives in life that we can choose: Thomas or Lennon perspective.

What will you choose, dwelling in desperation, endless pain or unrevealed passion like Thomas or break the mundane life in such honest, rock and roll tune, like Lennon?

Anything, it always depend on each of us, how to see life.
I choose anything that makes my soul free.

well.. maybe.. a taste of John Lennon simplicity make things better.
A little bit. :))

concept of third eye, its known in the west and east. Means the eye of wisdom.

I remember dialog in a movie, where an Indian girl asked by American-guy, why she needs to put the red spot between her eyebrows, and she said "Its the third eye, we need that. Sometimes, these two eyes not enough for us,"

In Hinduism and Buddhism, the third eye is a symbol of enlightenment. In the Indian tradition, it is referred to the the eye of knowledge, which is the seat of the "teacher inside". The "teacher inside" in one of Islamic sufism teaching, known as, Ruhul Quds, or "Holly spirit " that every human born with. "Light upon the light" as it mentioned in the Qur'an surrah An-nur: 35.

For me, having the third eye, does not mean you can see the future, or see beyond physical realities. Some people might be given talent or gift to have that. But, having the third eye, means that you can deliver wisdom, or at least you try to deliver wisdom, to face reality of mundane.

In western science, the third eye, is common known in the neuro-psychology, as spot in the brain, called the pineal gland. A senior psychologist I know, said the the neoro-psycho scientist suspects the pineal gland as "the bridge" between soul and human body. Active pineal gland found in the brain of indigo child. Some Scentist in the west call pineal gland as the third eye.

Soul, a completely different entity from human physical bodies who can understand things beyond reality, and deliver the wisdom. Soul an eternal variable in us, human. The delicate one inside us who is longing for the truth. The substance. Entity who connects human with the Beyond. God.

In my understanding, and knowing of my limit as ordinary human, without extra abilities to see beyond realities or future, having the third eye, is the ability to transcend from routine live and problems, sees all from high above, and finding the substance in each reality, deliver the wisdom and act accordingly.

The ability to transcend famous in Sufism method as "to die". it means "to die" from everything that forming us now such as job, friends, family, books, music, etc. for me, "To die" does not mean we leave everything behind, or drawing the lines, but 'to die" means to detach all the things that- we think- is us. To die from classifications. to die from ownership. to die from definition. to die from the self.

To die of every "my" we know :))..
My job, My family, My parents, My computer, My handphone, My Car..
everything that we think, define us.

Its a way o f thinking "out of the box", boxes, literally.
Out from the job box, family box, friends box, conflict with boss in the office box.
Out, out, out from those reality that we know temporary. and not real.
to let the soul transcends and looking back to see everything in distance,
find the substances, with the eye of wisdom.

The third eye.

May God continue to show us the way.

I wait you in the rainbow
let alone the jealous sky
thousand stars are wailing
shoving clouds
taming the wind


Lets play
down to sea,
dive to the bottom of the ocean

fly into the air,
touch the butterfly wings
hop to the trees
pick the mocking bird nest

Oh,
this beauty,
let it be no words
let it be nothing
but us

ps: thanks kikujiro, you make me write again !...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wX66z76GDVM

by: opick

Tombo ati iku limo perkorone
Kaping pisan moco Qur’an lan maknane
Kaping pindo sholat wengi lakonono
Kaping telu wong kang sholeh kumpulono
Kaping papat kudu weteng ingkang luwe
Kaping limo dzikir wengi ingkang suwe

Salah sawijine sopo iso ngelakoni
Mugi-mugi Gusti Allah nyembadani

Obat Hati ada lima perkaranya
Yang pertama baca Qur’an dan maknanya
Yang kedua sholat malam dirikanlah
Yang ketiga berkumpullah dengan orang sholeh
Yang keempat perbanyaklah berpuasa
Yang kelima dzikir malam perbanyaklah

Salah satunya siapa bisa menjalani
Moga-moga Gusti Allah mencukupi

A site tells jealousy typically refers to the negative or angry thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of insecurity, fear, and anxiety that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival, or when another person is perceived to have some type of advantage.

Jealousy often contains a mixture of emotions such as anger, sadness, disgust, which are focused by passion or anger. Parrott makes use of the cause of jealousy to define it: “jealousy is an emotion experienced when a person is threatened by the loss of an important relation with another person”

So basically, jealousy concerns something one has and is afraid of losing.
Jealousy is Fear.

Ok, then the question is, is there something that we really have?
we really own?
we dont even have our life
we dont even have our breath..

We are nothing, and have nothing.
and, so joker said: why we are so serious?

and I wrote a letter to a friend today, saying that, besides those ideals, we are pathetically just a modern, post modern human. We are what we read, we are the music that we listen too, we just a code of history ...

and we will leave everything, the form of -me-, soon.
the beautiful -me-,
the grand house of -me-,
proud children of -me-,
lover of -me-,
soon, soon...

And what we will bring when we meet God,
when our heart only full with flame of jealousy?

Dont let the flame burn garden of your heart
blurry your wisdom,
barring your vision,
and destroy your soul.

Salaam :))

O Me! O life !

of the questions of these recurring;   

Of the endless trains of the faithless—of cities fill’d with the foolish;   

Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who  more faithless?)   

Of eyes that vainly crave the light—of the objects mean—of the struggle ever renew’d;   

Of the poor results of all—of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me;          

Of the empty and useless years of the rest—with the rest me intertwined;   

The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?      

                                                     Answer.

That you are here—that life exists, and identity;   

That the powerful play goes on, and you will contribute a verse.

- Walt Whitman

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly without complexities abide.
I love you because I know no other way than this.
So close that your hand, on my chest, is my hand.
So close, that when you close your eyes, I fall asleep.

*Walt Whitman*

come to my secret garden..
where i put flowers right there
you can take it

come to my secret garden
where rose and lilies
just sparkling their beauty

you can take it
ill be happy.
take everything out, and ill be happy.

just come
and come again..
take everything you want

or you want to try the carousels
or merry go round?
play in the fountain?
you like the sounds of water..
are you not?

this is for free
for free..

come to my secret garden
where you can take a rest a little while
where love becomes the only word we speak
when there is no need to unveil the secret
because we already there

where there is no worry,
no jealousy
no miss understanding
no sadness
no separation
no ego
nothing.

i give myself.


ps: based on a conversation with one of "The secret guard" and... Sundari Soekotjo's karaoke's song and some fruits in the table. Thanks for the lesson. Allhamdulilah. its always mythical.. :))

light drop
on my lap
makes me understand
language without words
love, happiness, acceptance,
unity, blue sky, ocean
universe..
moon, stars, sun
there, there, there, there!
in my heart
it is singing,
my heart is singing

please forgive me..
will you accept my love?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcgszp2I1f4

Vocal and lyrics: Keenan Nasution
Cover version: Lucky Idol

oh, tiada yang hebat dan mempesona
ketika kau lewat di hadapanku
biasa saja

waktu perkenalan terjalin sudah
ada yang menarik pancaran diri
terus mengganggu

mendengar cerita sehari-hari
yang wajar tapi tetap mengasyikkan
oh, tiada kejutan pesona diri
pertama kujabat jemari tanganmu
biasa saja

masa perkenalan lewatlah sudah
ada yang menarik bayang-bayangmu
tak mau pergi

dirimu nuansa-nuansa ilham
hamparan laut tiada bertepi

kini terasa sungguh
semakin engkau jauh
semakin terasa dekat

akan ku kembangkan
kasih yang kau tanam
di dalam hatiku
menatap nuansa-nuansa bening
tulusnya doa bercinta

ps: September 1995 is our first letter's date.
Remember those letters?
it has been 13 years, Ndut..
and we're still continue the journey..
Funny, how sometimes mind plays trick on us..
thanks for being here with me, no matter what
Allhamdulilah.

Allhamdulilah.
Sunlight comes trough the window
warming my back, my chair, my desk, my PC
what is better than morning light?

Allhamdulilah.
Sun comes down,
the dim light carves the horizon
red, purple,orange and pink
Its fading.. rubbing my eyes

Alhamdulilah
night comes
Moon reflects the Sun
stars scatters like humans
David Star the brightest
Nur Muhammad
the first, and the end

Allhamdulilah
The earth, the sun,
the moon, the galaxy,
the universe

in where the stars falling
stone crashing
nebula hollowing

in where the new star born
old star frozen and fade away

all of us, the creatures
rotating, moving,
expanding, shrinking
beating,
in every bit of time
In every bit of time
In every bit of time

Allhamdulilah

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YUxbDEPFiM

New soul
by Yael Naim, Yael is a French-Jewish singer.



I'm a new soul
I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit bout how to give and take
But since I came here, felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake

La, la, la, la (21x)
La, la, la, la (21x)

See I'm a young soul in this very strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit bout what is true and fake
But why all this hate? try to communicate
Finding trust and love is not always easy to make

La, la, la, la (21x)
La, la, la, la (21x)

This is a happy end
Cause you don't understand
Everything you have done
Why's everything so wrong

This is a happy end
Come and give me your hand
I'll take you far away

I'm a new soul
I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit bout how to give and take
But since I came here, felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake

New Soul... (la, la, la, la,...)
In this very strange world...
Every possible mistake
Possible mistake
Every possible mistake
Mistakes, mistakes, mistakes...

In all the big questions,
answered and unanswered
the thirst and hunger,
we forgot that we can Feel

Love is feeling
that is real,
Love is answer
of the prayer

Love is the one that you find
in every fortune and happiness
Love also an empty space
after tears
after anger
and confusion
A gate
and way out

Love
is sunshine..
apple of my eyes
breeze in my soul
wherever it stays in my heart

Welcome Ramadhan..
Let's fall in love..

Sst..
stop talking..
can we just stop the talk
and enjoy this beauty
let time leave us


without past
without future
without definition
without word

Stay still
let it touch you
feel ..
deep down
endless well of the soul
feel..



: picture by vincent van gogh (1890)