the-riddle

i open an email today, its not for me, but from a conversation in a mailing list that I rarely open.
i dont know the sender, or people in the conversation,
But there is interesting quotes, that well, not really perfect in sound..
but not bad. It says:

" In life, you will realize that the people you meet have a purpose. Some were put there to test you, some would use you, some would teach you and some would bring out the better, if not the best in you. Some may even cause you pain and heartache, but one must learn to move on. So pray for the people who can not treat you right, and Thank God for those who love you back and see your worth. In the end, it between You and God. And not you and them, "

A bit defensive :)), but still interesting.

In the end it between you and God.
Between me and God.
Between me and You, God..
its always two of Us..
isn't that beautiful?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpjuBvtYUb0

Twilight on the clouds
a hawk is flying
always alone.
He must be sad.
In the wind without no sounds
he cannot rest
his wings clutching the air.

What can I compare my heart to,
my heart is like he´s.
What can I compare my heart to,
My sadness is wheeling in the sky

At a rock shadow in drizzling rain
a flower is small in bloom.
She must be painful.
In the rain with dim colour
she has no one caressed her pink faint petal.

What can I compare my heart to,
My heart is like she's.
What can I compare my heart to,
I feel painful like as being exposed to the rain.

On a path through an almost empty field
Im walking with the hawk
He must feel lonely too.

On the grass where the insects chirp
you and I walking together.
But you hardly talk.

What can I compare my heart to, this heart that is going alone.
What can I compare my heart to, What can I compare this loneliness to..


Soundtrack of: Tales from the earthsea/Gedo Senki (Japan animee) by Ghibli Studio
English translation put in the website http://www.ghibli.jp/ged/

my story:

Behind the song, its a japan animee movie called "Tales of the earthsea" (gedo senki),
its a movie about the fighting between the warrior of truth with the evil and the wickedness.

The sad song potrays the loneliness of the warrior's heart following his destiny as a knight.
Only he and his heart, walking along the path that bring him to meet another enemy.
The path where no one around to praise him. The silent path.

I think this song is a song of every of us who is longing to be in the shade of truth.
Every of us, walking in the silent path, fighting with our own evil and wickedness
the fighting where no one around, where, only you and your heart do the fighting
in the heaviest battle of life, the battle against yourself.

May God is the only friend in our battle..
and May He who wait for us in the end of this silent path..
Aamiin..

meanwhile, please enjoy the song..
its for us, the lonely heart..

today, when i tell almost everybody in my inner circle that I lost my wallet.. the general expression is: "Ah, finally !" it is very much common for them to shout something close to .. acceptance and understanding, sometimes sounds forgiving, when it comes to my things and lost. A something that they are sure it can not be changed anymore, something like a faith.

Anyway I (finally) lost my wallet on Saturday night, complete with Rp. 2000 -, a credit card, several banks atm cards, a brand new citizen ID (yup. here, in Indonesia we are just number, you don't have number, you are wiped out from the civilization :)), pictures of my beloved nephews, picture me and my husband (the h) when we were young, beautiful and free :)) and ah.. this is the saddest part.. 5 tickets of "kungfu panda" that me, h, and nephews plan to watch that night. Me for the second time and first time for the nephews..

We are there in a crowded amusement park in a mall on west Jakarta, walking back and forth to buy more and more tickets (they said Token, for ticket, there), balloons, ice creams, holding balloon in one hand, and unfinished glasses (glasses!!, imagine..) of drink in another. Not forget using camera phone to take memorable pictures of my 2 years old nephew ride his carousel for the first time, taking the flying ship for the first time, and anything for the first time, for him everything is magic. For us the adults, everything is for their smile and laugh.

Until I realize, five minutes after I find out that I running out cash in my wallet to buy more ticket, its gone. My wallet is gone. i can not find it anymore, in my bags, in the seats, in the floor. Just gone. Well I dont react much.. I mean, well, there is a time for everything, right? Loosing something its not as hard as loosing someone, dont you think so? you just make a phone call to make sure everything blocked, go to nearest police post, filing report, you can have everything back, just like before. You can buy the same wallet if you want. (and also this is secret, I don't have much money)

If there is a lesson learn in this moment, beside my clumsiness which is already my middle name, I know it is moral message to myself: my thinking of me, being saint. What? ?..

Hum, Ok, this is my revelation.. :))

I almost lost my wallet for several times (this explain you the "Ah finally!" words, right?).. i remember two quite dramatic events (not including uncounted incidents where i left it in my home or in office desk)

first i left it in a cafe in my office building, I remember that after several hours. I Bid my luck, call up the security, trailing them trough the phone to walk to the cafe, searching and thanks God, its back to me. (This story is not THAT happy, i mean... I find out that I lost my wallet, in the middle of dinner with H in a quite fancy restaurant. Can you imagine your date spent all time glued in her mobile, talked begingly to someone else, in the middle of dim light, roses and steak?)

Secondly I drop my wallet in a street, it plungs to a streetwhole full with rain water.. I dont realize until some 10 - 15 minutes, then ask my car to stop and walk stoic-ly (stoic because im sure where i drop it) almost 300 meters back, crossing the roads, walked pass the ojek groups and everything, and there. someone in the stores nearby find it, keep it, and handed to me, when I arrive there. It's surely magic in this poor country, right? you drop your wallet in the street, and someone take it and give it back to you? its almost a miracle!

In the way home, after the second incident, I start to think oh.. Why God is so kind to me? And i start to remember what I have done.. ah, i am eligible enough for His help i guess, im good enough.. I might be a saint.. Oh God. Its not surprising me.. I am good. i have done many things...

He he..

Thanks God, Allhamdulilah, finally I lost my wallet. I am not saint.
and I still have that C hanging in my middle name. The clumsiest of all..

Widyatmiko nugroho
may, 12 1969 - may, 18 2008
Coolest brother, always smell good,
a blues guitar player
Most loving,
caring, honest,
sincere man
please embrace him
with Your Love..
Aamiin..

ps: and please protect and love his son and wife too

I sail to the sun
shaving the morning mist
feel the wave on the ocean bliss

"show me the north!"
the carving compass
stay still,
glued in the hull

I, a hideous giant in hiding
captain in my classic ship
stand up on the deck
against the sun light
hoping its burning me right

Golden ray of sun
resplendent in the peaceful ocean
captivating me
in the joy of sunrise

Golden ray of sun
let me feel the warmest
of your touch
here in my park
here in my lake
here, in me